So last year was the first time that I posted on Datingish. Today is my first anniversary. That day I talked about how I wasn’t willing to admit that I liked him and  that someone else had to point it out for me.  This blog was meant to be my abode, where I was supposed to rant about all things about the boys/men in my life. This blog today will focus on two primary things. First: what I have learned in this year, and secondly how I have changed ,what I’m planning with my life, whatever happened to the famous “orange boy”. Well for starters, I’m now a second semester senior in high school, diagnosed with the case of add, that was found out in the summer. I did amazing this semester and my goals for 2010 is to make deans list for whatever college I end up in all four years, I will be majoring in business management, then go to Culinary Institute of America (CIA), an internship with food network then open my own business. This past year, I have defiantly grown physically and mentally. I got my braces off (thank god) and I lost a lot of weight, but there’s stillroom for improvement on the second. I have accepted myself as who I am, I think I’m pretty I don’t need some guy telling me that, I know what I am, and someone out there is going to appreciate it. Well in June 2009, Kevin left for college. He had me wrapped around his little finger, and that was no more. I mean just one look would make me go googoogaga. Kevin taught me so much about what I should and shouldn’t do. Most men aren’t feely touchy, oh let me tell her how I feel, you either a) have to gently coax it out of them b) just let it be, if he likes you, eventually he’ll tell you (excluding shy guys). Kevin was feely touchy in the physical sense, he always felt the need to sit too close to me, touch my hand or even try to hug me. What I did not know was that Kevin was a player. He knew he was good looking, he knew he had a good personality so he got all the girls going after him. He had a line of girls, and probably a bigger line of heartbreak. Kevin liked girls, he liked playing them at this point I think he knew that I liked him, but he never once did anything. Which meant he was never interested. I would text him all the time, that’s how conversations would start, well I’ve learned maybe I shouldn’t have done that. Why? Because he’s not interested, I mean if you’re the one making moves on him all the time, you should stop. Kevin taught me heartbreak, I mean it’s not like I thought it would be. It’s more, in the sense that I couldn’t stop thinking about him and I was sad because we weren’t friends and he didn’t consider me close enough to even keep contact or even to invite me to his graduation events aka his party. I think what Kevin taught me transferred into the rest of the relations I kept for the rest of the year. I’m a senior, but I don’t know where I’ll end up next year, I have so many goals for the rest of my life and some guy should never ever hold me back. Well I saw Kevin thanksgiving break, it was the week after I had gotten my braces off, he had come back for thanksgiving and I remembered that one night, that conversation we had after turkey dinner. We talked about life and it was probably really the best conversation I’ve ever had with anyone. When he walked into that room, he was dressed in his air force uniform. His head was shaved, he still looked the same. I glanced mostly at the clock waiting for church to be over. Twirling my hair in my right hand. He looked good, I can admit. My heart was beating crazily and all the feelings that I thought for sure were gone, came rushing back like a tidal wave. It came time to go and while others went to greet him say hello, I went to my dad, helped him clean up, grabbed my purse and left. The easiest way to move on and get it out of your system is you don’t have to act like the world revolves around them. I left because I chose that it is what is best for me. There are other fish In the sea, there is someone out there who’ll appreciate me, who’ll text me good morning I hope you have a great day, or just give me a hug when I need it the most. I’m not saying I’ve become hardcore or anything, but I’m saying, find someone who appreciates you and listen carefully because you never know. So here’s a list of things you should and shouldn’t do

You shouldn’t text him first all the time, yeah do it the first time, and yes if your conversations good, then he’ll text you the next time. It’s not your responsibility to be texting him all the time, and if he throws in that good old good morning insert smiley face, oh that’s cute.

You shouldn’t just be talking behind closed doors, if he’s into you then he’ll talk to you when his friends are around, he’ll talk to you because honestly he wants to know you feel him.

Don’t come on too strong. He doesn’t need to know that you like him right away, do the flirting eyes when your with him (reference to spark life), you should never come on strong, that is what makes them run like wolves.

You shouldn’t expect him to know what you’re thinking, if you are mad at him, tell him you’re pissed. You don’t just sit there and wait for him to know, because obviously he won’t know.

You shouldn’t expect him to just be like oh I like you too. After you admit you like him( hopefully you’re making it short and sweet) you should probably say after that, well I’m going to give you you’re space just think about what I said. Do exactly that give him, his space, if he comes back two days later with yes he likes you then good if it’s the other I don’t like you, then say no hard feelings, lets be friends.

Don’t wait around for him, you can’t sit there and pine around for some guy who isn’t saying anything. Most likely he’s not interested.

You shouldn’t try to find a meaning behind every single word he says to you. There’s really no meaning…so stop trying to find one. It’s us girls who have meaning behind our words, guys usually blunt and straightforward.

If he says he doesn’t understand. He really doesn’t, just explain.

You shouldn’t sell yourself short, never tell yourself he isn’t going to like me, think positively never negatively. Just don’t go all creepy and have like pictures of him on your computer and have albums with your whole life planned out.

You shouldn’t fall for a player. The only thing you’re going to end up with is a broken heart and a good relationship with the Fred Meyers self-checkout.

You should have confidence, guys like confidence, if you are pleased with your looks don’t sell yourself short for some guy who wont appreciate you physically.

You should look killer, I mean like gorgeous. You should walk into the room and feel pretty. Chang how you dress once in a while he’ll appreciate it, and he’ll notice.

You should play hard to get, but not too hard to get, maybe act a bit oblivious to what he’s saying, like if he says I like this girl, don’t jump to oh is it me? Plays around with it say oh you do? Tell me about her.

You should act the same all the time, you shouldn’t act extra special towards him. Maybe give him a touch on the shoulder or smile at him. Don’t be like oh ahaha you are so funny, and tell him that all the time, yeah it might boost his ego but if its’ creepy the only boosting he’ll be doing is the one that you’ll be out of his life.

Crushes, they aren’t easy. You can’t just wake up one day from it and be completely over it. It will take a while, you’ll struggle a bit and you wont find any awesome quick solution, but the thing is, if he’s said he doesn’t feel the same way about you, move on. There’s someone who will, there is someone who does. I believe that there is this one person who is out there, who is just right for you, you just have to go through a bunch of rotten fishes to find the one fish that will always be gold. So good luck. I learned a lot and I hope you take every opportunity to learn. I met a lot of boys in two thousand nine, but I’m not ready to jump into anything. I have made it a resolution that if I am to kiss anyone this year it will be someone I see myself with, and someone I honestly like. You cant live in the past, you just reflect on it for a glimpse and see what you could have done different.

 FUCK YOU, you were the biggest waste of time ...probably ever. you leave in less than a month to go to AA and duly noted i cant wait. i cant wait to forget you ever existed and you came in and ruined my perfect year. yeah i thought we were on the same page, apparently we arent and you know what, i am upset. you want to know why? because i texted you last night saying something funny and you say who is this? what the hell. i mean if i was imporant enough you would have saved my numebr in your phone along time ago, i mean we used to talk practically everyday. you wanna know secondly why i'm upset, your little call almost got me in an accident this morning. i was backing out of my driveway when i kept hearing this buzzing sound, thinking it was somehting else i slam on the brakes. before i back into this car. WHAT THE HELL!! then i ask you why you called me at 700 IN THE MORNING and all you can say is i thought it was naomi. FUCK YOU! i never want to talk to you ever again.when i see you from now on, dont expect me to be nice because bitches werent built that way. if you want a personal perfect explantion on why your such a dick,  then maybe you shouldnt lie to me and tell me shit that isnt true. I am beyond upset. i am just angry.

goodbye and good riddance!!

i've gotten to this point where i give nicknames. your name of course is going to be mac. i wont tell you what your nickname is unless you ask but i just wanted that last piece of information. i guess you've figured out my joke or whatever i'm doing. you mirror me,i look past you you look at me but past me.you smile i frown. i talked to you last night. not about anything important. i actually thought i was over you. you know what gave me the clue that i wasent. i got exicted at the prospective that you would be talking to me in the next few hours. we only talke d for five mintues but i feel like i've ruined everything i've worked for with you. you make me laugh you make me smile. i think your just perfect but i dont know what to do. somehow i messed up gigantically and it's disguting that i cant undo mistakes. if i could i would undo the mistake of me saying all those things. they make me sound like a concited bitch and real as it is. i shouldnt be doing that. i already know that two moths after you leave i will regret my desicion but you will be on and into your new life and i hope you have a good time.  so forget, i probably wont but i want you to knw..i really honestly truly like you alot.

Crush defined in the dictionary comes up as these meanings:
            -To press or squeeze with a force that destroys or deforms

-To have an infatuation.

How to deal?