Wednesday, 01 April 2009

• crush

  Crush defined in the dictionary comes up as these meanings:
              -To press or squeeze with a force that destroys or deforms

  -To have an infatuation.

  Today I realized I am both, I am crushed because I have felt mentally like I have been squeezed out and there’s nothing left to give. I feel like lip gloss from Victoria secret that’s all squeezed up and all done. I have come also to the realization that it’s so hard letting go of someone. I mean I like him; yes I want to scream it on the top of my lungs to anyone who will hear me. I don’t though. I don’t tell him, I don’t tell anyone but my best friends. The worst part about crushes is that it takes a bunch of courage to tell whomever you have been crushing on that you like them in more than a friend way. I mean I messed up so much with him that it’s impossible to put it in words he will understand. I mean I KNOW for a fact that I will look back on this and regret it like no other. Cause truly I really like him, I haven’t liked someone this much since eight grade with gorgeous Clinton brink, god that boy was the sweetest thing…minus his really radical republican views which were kind of crazy. We fought all the time, and we weren’t even going out. We didn’t talk for three months and then we finally did and he was and I messed up more than you will ever know and yes I will regret it so much more lately in life. I still regret it and wish to see him but I don’t think I want to also. This guy though right now he leaves in June for college. Can you believe it? JUNE. I don’t know if I’m ever going to see him again I mean I can try but I don’t think I want to. I like him so much and when a feeling brews over a long amount of time then it’s really hard to get off the setting of I don’t know that you can get hurt so easily and so fast. I mean the first thing I like about him is he always makes me smile, when I’m looking at him I have this grin on my face because he’s putting this look on his face. Second he makes me laugh, he tells the stupidest jokes and they aren’t even funny but I guess I laugh cause he’s so happy about it…it’s weird. I just hate the fact I haven’t seen him in a really long time and I don’t want to see him anymore. I want to get over him, I want to wake up one morning and not even remember his name. I want to meet someone amazing someone that I can actually tell them I really like them and we make an good team together. I just want not to be crushed anymore because with him, it’s all that seems to be happening.

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